2009-04-17

強人?!

米國的教育系統基本上就是鼓勵你多發言,

所以上課時不管多白癡、多無聊的問題,

只要你想問,大概教授都會理你一下。

 

當然,「老師我要上廁所」這種爆炸性的發言是限於小學階段。

 

這樣的習慣造成了課堂上百家爭鳴的狀況,

能增加教授的印象分數就好,其他的誰管你。

而且以孔子的角度來看,

這種蠻夷之邦哪裡會懂得「揖讓而升,下而飲,其爭也君子」這樣的大道理。

 

不過苦的是最近我遇到的兩個白目都是亞洲面孔。

 

第一個白目,談他是很痛苦的一件事。

這傢伙照我看來,壓根就是應聲蟲。

「我得了一種上課沒拍一下教授馬屁就會死的病」是我能想到最貼切的形容。

總之不管教授說什麼鬼,

他就一定得屁個兩句,沒問題他硬要擠問題,

就算整合不出一個句子,「嗯」「啊」「哦」「哈哈」對他來說也是一定要的。

音量還剛好控制在全班都聽的到他放屁。

或許他真的很認真在聽,或許他真的是天才,有獨到見解不跟大家分享不行。

 

 

 

上學期一堂課,每個人都被要求選一堂課上台做五分鐘的報告,

你可以選複習上一堂課的內容或者是報告教授指定的內容。

這教授人是非常Nice的,基本上這個上台報告是上台就滿分。

這位大王選擇複習課堂內容。

 

 

 

五分鐘的報告,他搞了十五分鐘。這是上台報告的第一個大忌。

投影片密密麻麻的沒人看的清楚他放了什麼資料。上台報告的第二個大忌。

報告到一半(或者應該說超過時間),教授出來暫停這位天才忘我的表演,

 

 

「你報告的複習內容是錯的,我上課沒這樣教」

「你報告的複習內容是錯的,我上課沒這樣教」

「你報告的複習內容是錯的,我上課沒這樣教」

「你報告的複習內容是錯的,我上課沒這樣教」

 

 

…不知道當天課堂裡有多少人跟我一樣想把那天變成他的忌日。

 

第二位天才,是一位在金融界工作的女強人,

在金融學的課裡,因為專業背景的關係,說話鏗鏘有力。

她跟教授的對話在我們這些市井小民眼裡很像看成龍的電影 - 雙方都吊鋼絲高來高去的。

…而且她真的長的很像成龍。(我發誓!)

 

昨天,教授講解期末上台報告須知而且提到自願先報告的兩組他會以較寬鬆的規格看待。

快學期末了,每個人的狀況都是一秒幾十萬上下,事情多到整個靠悲,

這麼好的報告條件大家都想先搶先贏。

教授一邊發講義一邊說他沒料到大家會這麼踴躍,

經過成龍旁邊時,成龍突來一句說話:

 

 

 

「我想當第一組報告的,因為我們組員已經決定好了。」

「我想當第一組報告的,因為我們組員已經決定好了。」

「我想當第一組報告的,因為我們組員已經決定好了。」

「我想當第一組報告的,因為我們組員已經決定好了。」

 

 

 

挖咧幹!這樣也行喔?!

全班開學時組員都挑好了耶這位阿姨!!!!

 

其實是因為你要軋戲時間卡不過來所以想要先上台吧?成龍?!

 

教授後來抽籤決定,

不好意思,拎背的組被抽到第一組。

 

Now what, BITCH!

2009-04-15

[硬漢廚房‧外傳] 菜豆炒肉絲(?)

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「你知不知道什麼是菜豆?」

「我知道啊」

「那你會怎麼煮菜豆?」

 

 

「直接下鍋炸」(…不是嗎?台灣鹽酥雞攤不是都用炸的?)

就在一種被人當笨蛋的狀況中,同時我又再一次的體會到人間處處有溫情。

 

 

感謝您!Shania同學!

(A.K.A Sienna,…我說妳沒事搞這麼多名字幹嘛啊?!)

 

 

…下次可不可以直接開放點菜呢?

2009-04-13

這個報告…

題目是Drug testing at work place: Ethical or not?

 

我實在是寫的很幹

Kottonmouth Kings – Peace Not Greed

A lonely teenage daydream,
Of things I just might be,
A surreal kind of thinking,
Keeps on drifting in on me,
My twisted body is lifeless,
Not so their twisted minds,
Peace through power their motto,
Power through peace their crime,
Product of our environment (x8),
Maybe one day they will legalize weed,
In the year TWO "G" the planet could be deceased,
We plead to the fleece while we're beggin' on our knees,
In our hometown Cali with bears and green trees,
Birds and the bees, hot sand on the beach,
Shells in the sea and I'm living in peace,
Like a dog on a leash locked up with no key,
I gotta smoke under cover, Motherfuck the police,
Yeah, see the matching hand and they're robbing from the hat,
The laws an illusion to symbolize that,
Putting us in jail for the ???? tax,
I can see the wires in the levitating act,
I can hear the lies and they're calling them facts,
I can see the bars and they're lookin all cracked,
I read between the lines but the lines are all cracked,
I can feel the knife turning in my back,
How would life be if the world smoked weed?
Guaranteed there'd be peace not greed,
See, it's hell,
Living in a cell,
Legalize the plant only time will tell,
How would life be if the world smoked weed?
Guaranteed there'd be peace not greed,
See, it's hell,
Living in a cell,
Legalize the plant only time will tell,
You are a sacred being of light,
Projected into reality for a purpose,
Demand the right to your moment,
In this holographic gift with no rules, no borders,
Except for those who you choose to accept and live by,
Abolish government means nothing to me,
Forget about god, he's not here to see,
We live by a system, a perfect mold,
People perfect people who are poor and old,
Lies were spent on a sad defense,
They said we're lookin for a method in this world ???,
Presidents are named,
Presidents are labeled highest man on the government table,
America, land of the free,
Free to the power of the people in uniform (x2),
How would life be if the world smoked weed?
Guaranteed there'd be peace not greed,
See, it's hell,
Living in a cell,
Legalize the plant only time will tell,
How would life be if the world smoked weed?
Guaranteed there'd be peace not greed,
See, it's hell,
Living in a cell,
Legalize the plant only time will tell,
Society, fuck it!
I've had enough!
The system's full of crooks, straight up corrupt,
You look like a decoy by the knife a duck,
And your money keeps em smokin on a BC Bluff,
You're caught up in the headlights of my V-Dub bus,
TSOL and the Kings about to even things up,
Your birds will take all the air out the sky,
Bring em down to our level,
You can work, can't hide,
Product of our environment (x8)
A lonely teenage daydream,
Of things I just might be,
A surreal kind of thinking,
Keeps on drifting in on me,
My twisted body is lifeless,
Not so their twisted minds,
Peace through power their motto,
Power through peace their crime,
The government keeps tight control over the population,
While the schools teach the kids restricted education,
Murder, Rape, Sex, Underage prostitution,
They got the war on pot, they got the wrong solution,
I wake and I bake, nowhere to escape,
Livin' life in a tank they invade my space,
Betrayed full of hate while they're shootin all blanks,
Society's lost in a paranoid state,
It's the illusion of ownership, It's take what you can get,
The banks are the loan sharks and everyone's in debt,
And if you get ahead how quickly you forget,
You're hanging from a burning rope without a safety net,
They tax you when you sell,
They tax you when you buy,
They take half when you live,
They take half when you die,
These are the lies that they are stating as facts,
I can see the wires of the levitating act,
How would life be if the world smoked weed?
Guaranteed there'd be peace not greed,
See, it's hell,
Living in a cell,
Legalize the plant only time will tell,
How would life be if the world smoked weed?
Guaranteed there'd be peace not greed,
See, it's hell,
Living in a cell,
Legalize the plant only time will tell,
I'm glad that I can read,
I'm glad that I can write,
I read their fuckin bullshit,
Every single night,
When off in my head went a little fuckin light,
It told me what was wrong it told me what was right,
World bank-Power and control,
Issuing the money and they're dollin' out the roles,
Charging what they want to with the money, the control,
Living in their nightmare, giving them your soul!

2009-04-12

[硬漢廚房] Curry House

120409_183533

今天又是趕報告趕的了無生趣的一天,

搞了兩天,資料越找越多,結果也只擠的出兩面有夠苦。

晚餐時想說吃點補充活力的東西,晚上看看能不能再衝一下,就決定去吃咖哩了。

120409_184702

點了中辣的咖哩豬排飯。吃了第一口之後,我就知道晚上應該完了。

因為…

 

 

一. 根本不辣。

二. 鹹到靠悲。

三. 服務生雖然很正,不過剛坐下不到十秒就一直催點菜,很盧讓我有點怒。

所以別說是增加精力,我現在基本上已經是準備上床睡覺的狀態…。

 

 

嗯,明天會更好。

進度

十八個小時

 

 

 

…寫完一份報告的其中一頁

 

 

我要來吃止痛藥睡覺了,幹!

2009-04-11

[硬漢廚房‧外傳]韓式辣炒年糕

DSC00421

如果我現在還在台灣,我敢保證煮飯這件事,壓根跟我不會有任何瓜葛。

這幾年下來,雖然不是說很會做吃的,也是被逼的能做出幾樣上的了桌的東西。

不過吃飯時間大多常常揪人出去吃吃喝喝了事…

因為我懶,怎樣?

偶爾也是會有同學或朋友佛心大發,招待去他家 騙吃騙喝 相聚一刻這種爽事發生。

像這個炒年糕就是最近的戰績,

Shania同學,年糕很好吃,謝謝!

 

 

 

 

 

 

…啊下次吃什麼?

Whatever

週四FIN570考第二次期中,

基本上我大概把全部的春假都丟在這科上面了。

考試那天一大早更是六點多就出門去圖書館。

當考卷一丟下來,全班基本上是同步發出嘆息聲,

進行到問答題時,我真想頒獎給發明「幹你老師」這句話的那位天才,

為什麼我看不懂題目在寫啥鬼?為什麼前一次期中的範圍也在出題範圍?

他媽的我哪記得呀幹!

 

交卷時經過一位仍在奮戰的女同學,她那幾乎是白卷的考卷真的只能說霹靂慘。

回家之後啥鬼都沒吃,完全處於失神的狀態,早早就昏睡過去。

=====================================================

週五睡到自然醒,起床之後就一路擺爛。

晚上跟同學們一起去吃飯順便去看Stand-up Comedy。

100409_222049

嗯,我以後要跟同學出去玩時一定要記得先確認人數,

這種奇數的人數往往暗示Group Date的可能性,在這種狀況下單人出席的感覺會很尷尬。

還好這次有三個人是單人出席,謝天謝地。

美式的Stand-Up Comedy通常十分尖銳,

總之如果你想到的形容詞是低級、粗俗、過激、下流、偏見,

基本上就對了。

去看這種表演真的接受度要很強,最好的例子就是我一個同學,

基本上我覺得她這輩子大概是十三聖徒之一轉世的吧?

平常就很拘謹的她,來看這種表演絕對是個錯誤。

 

 

 

我當天就看她怒了整整兩個小時。(她那笑得很樂的男友當天回家後應該會慘兮兮…)